my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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