it's too hot outside to masturbate.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Actions speak louder than pants.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
