Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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