I think my fart just growled at me.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
