Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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