My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
