i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
