Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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