I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
