if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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