i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
