I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
