I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
