this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
