Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
