where am i from again
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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