Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
