its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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