i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
