I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
