That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
