don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
