More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
