If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
