I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
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