i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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