so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize