Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
