it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
