so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
