Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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