If i come over, it means nothing
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
