Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
