Only a mothe r could love this liver
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize