I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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