oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
