I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
