i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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