Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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