I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
