A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
