shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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