We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
