I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
