i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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