I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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