You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
