Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
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