____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize