There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
