Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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