I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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