hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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