Your mouth is God's brothel.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
