ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
