it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
