Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
