Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Randomize
