Do vagina's smell?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
