I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize