That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
