Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
