so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
