haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Randomize
