Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
