He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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