I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
