so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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