his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
