Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize