I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize