my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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