Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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