his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
