he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
The uberlube is also flammable
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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