It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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