watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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