Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
