im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize