She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
