dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
