Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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