i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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