New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize