I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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