When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
