Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
