Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
