noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
