I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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