I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
You can't special order awesome
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize