my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
