38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
