I can feel you judging me through the phone.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
