we have officially lost it.
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
