this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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