She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
