And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
