hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
