Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
