Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize