NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
