Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
