I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
The adults are the big ones right?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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