Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
