it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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