Is it because I queefed?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
